It’s true that when two women discuss their lives and complain about the sorrows of singleness, they look for emotional comfort in each other. They expect each other to be there every time some strange incident reminds them of the perceived unfortunate single state they are in. These women look for their men in the world and sympathy in each other. But what happens when they find that Mr. Perfect?
This is when they drift apart from everything and everyone that reminds them of their historical misery. The friend they looked to for comfort becomes an outlet for their unbound joy their love brought into their life. They wouldn’t care if that girl-friend were single, pathetic or lonely. This is truly the defeat of a friendship. A friendship that is built on trust, faith, pacification and companionship.
Sometimes, people forget that though they are in love, the rest of the world isn’t. Their friends and the people in their life are genuinely happy for their treasure but they do resent the fact that they’ve lost the person they became friends with. In love people do generally invest most of their valuable time cementing their relationship by modifying their tastes to suit each other. They forget however, that they end up in a character metamorphosis at times and the people who once cared might not ‘love’ this.
The friend with whom you shared the smallest of details of your regular mundane life in addition to anything that brought a spark to your day might not know anything about your day now. How would it feel knowing that someone who told you which side of the bed they got up on or what flavor of ice-cream they ate didn’t share something of much greater proportions with you? It’s a painful experience to have to share your time, your space, your right and your friend with another person.
The best of friendships disintegrate by one blow, one person, and one new relationship. Is it all worth it?
What if it wasn’t? If this new found love can walk into your life like a hurricane and turn things upside down, it can leave like a devastating storm too. Every true relationship you give up because of your love won’t curse you or wait for your love to leave but will leave broken and hurt. While you won’t be present to see that pain ease, that person will move on with their life hoping that you stay happily ever after. What if you don’t? Do you expect to find comfort in those same arms? Do you expect that friend to wipe your tears when they’ve learnt how to wipe their tears alone, thanks to you?
You need to know where you’re going but you can’t afford to forget where you came from. You need to draw your own boundaries and learn the importance of each relationship. And don’t ever be selfish enough to hurt a heart that cares for you and wants the best for you at the cost of few fleeting moments of joy. Then alone will love conquer and so will the friendship that was born long before love made its stride.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Is it hope or the most unrealistic illusion?
Is there anything called the Perfect Ideal Man? And is every woman’s expectation of accidentally yet pleasantly bumping into this Perfection justified? If you tell me you haven’t given this thought, you’re definitely lying. Every person likes their bed made in a certain way, their coffee just that perfect flavor and tinge. And their man, with all the finishings of the picture in their head.
Well, unfortunately most often and almost always, this picture remains in the head. It never translates into reality unless you’ve prayed really hard or you just got plain lucky in which case you become the victim of less fortunate fellow-love travelers. Most often when you go looking for trouble, you’ll end up finding it. Ever wondered why such un-fortunate luck doesn’t work in the case of a partner? The few twisted injustices of life.
Women live in an illusion. In a utopia where everything’s just perfect and sun-kissed, their man is baked to perfection with the right look, talk, walk and touch. They escape into this little world of theirs when the cruel real world becomes too harsh for their tastes. They hope and hope against hope that this halcyon they have created in their mind remains uncrushed, untouched by the blows of truth.
It’s safer to realize the boundaries of this strange little world than to be stuck in it and refuse to realize the potent dangers of becoming a recluse. It’s alright to escape into it once in awhile, I mean who doesn’t dream? But it’s just for your good you realize that you weren’t created to live in that perfect world of your concocted tastes.
Perhaps God created the world so imperfect so that we realize the value of something good when it meets the eye. How would you feel if you found a diamond in a heap of rubble? So stop looking for perfection in this cynical world. If you’re lucky, it’ll walk its way into your life and set right everything that’s crooked in your life. If it doesn’t walk into your life what can I say? Perhaps, your vision of perfection out beat God’ best effort. So dream of the stars but learn to settle for the moon. It’s definitely better than some of the earthly creatures.
Well, unfortunately most often and almost always, this picture remains in the head. It never translates into reality unless you’ve prayed really hard or you just got plain lucky in which case you become the victim of less fortunate fellow-love travelers. Most often when you go looking for trouble, you’ll end up finding it. Ever wondered why such un-fortunate luck doesn’t work in the case of a partner? The few twisted injustices of life.
Women live in an illusion. In a utopia where everything’s just perfect and sun-kissed, their man is baked to perfection with the right look, talk, walk and touch. They escape into this little world of theirs when the cruel real world becomes too harsh for their tastes. They hope and hope against hope that this halcyon they have created in their mind remains uncrushed, untouched by the blows of truth.
It’s safer to realize the boundaries of this strange little world than to be stuck in it and refuse to realize the potent dangers of becoming a recluse. It’s alright to escape into it once in awhile, I mean who doesn’t dream? But it’s just for your good you realize that you weren’t created to live in that perfect world of your concocted tastes.
Perhaps God created the world so imperfect so that we realize the value of something good when it meets the eye. How would you feel if you found a diamond in a heap of rubble? So stop looking for perfection in this cynical world. If you’re lucky, it’ll walk its way into your life and set right everything that’s crooked in your life. If it doesn’t walk into your life what can I say? Perhaps, your vision of perfection out beat God’ best effort. So dream of the stars but learn to settle for the moon. It’s definitely better than some of the earthly creatures.
Is it criminal to change?
How many times have you had a fight with your best friend or someone extremely close to your heart and ended it saying-“You don’t need to change for me.” Lets get down to dirty reality, did you really mean it? Personally, everytime Ive said this line, I’ve let a silent sigh in my heart hoping that the other person would understand me! Its martyrdom to accept differences, suicidal to change, but there comes a time when it works more as an elixir than as a stab of poison.
A relationship grows stronger with an acceptance of different temperaments, ideologies and emotions. Often one person ends up moulding themselves too much and stifling the real person within their heart. This soft silent death of reality in a quest to keep alive a relatuionship is trulyt he defeat of the love they profess for each other. Now tell me is it better to change or to kill your true self?
Now changing doesn’t seem too bad does it?If it still does, try to look at it this way. Its growth. Remember the cycle of life,Birth,growth,death. To grow is to explore. If you never grew up, you’d srill be living in a crib, acting cranky and would die an infant death. Try looking at a plant. As it grows nurtured with care, it sheds its old leaves and undergoes a process of youthful regeneration. It changes too, but only for the better.
It is indeed inevitable to change,then why attemot to stop it? Why wallow in the depths of misery questioning it? The truth is, everytime you tell a person not to change, you yourself bend a little and make a small promise to yourself not to ever let this bother you again. Each such promise is a milestone in your journey and before you know it, you’ll reach the end turning out to be a vividly different person than the one you started out to be.
A relationship grows stronger with an acceptance of different temperaments, ideologies and emotions. Often one person ends up moulding themselves too much and stifling the real person within their heart. This soft silent death of reality in a quest to keep alive a relatuionship is trulyt he defeat of the love they profess for each other. Now tell me is it better to change or to kill your true self?
Now changing doesn’t seem too bad does it?If it still does, try to look at it this way. Its growth. Remember the cycle of life,Birth,growth,death. To grow is to explore. If you never grew up, you’d srill be living in a crib, acting cranky and would die an infant death. Try looking at a plant. As it grows nurtured with care, it sheds its old leaves and undergoes a process of youthful regeneration. It changes too, but only for the better.
It is indeed inevitable to change,then why attemot to stop it? Why wallow in the depths of misery questioning it? The truth is, everytime you tell a person not to change, you yourself bend a little and make a small promise to yourself not to ever let this bother you again. Each such promise is a milestone in your journey and before you know it, you’ll reach the end turning out to be a vividly different person than the one you started out to be.
Can Friends Make the Best Lovers?
If you can share a pizza with a friend and talk about your life does that mean you can share your life with the same person?
Friendship and Love according to me work on almost the same principles. Trust, comfort, togetherness. Then what makes love so special? I feel that love brings with itself a soulful connection that just takes friendship to another level. In most cases I feel that friends have proved to be the best lovers and companions but sometimes friendship gets mistaken for love and that’s where the whole problem arises.
Your friend knows you in and out. Knows what makes you smile, what makes you cry, is there for you when you do cry and knows how to calm you down. A friend can care for you in ways the whole world can’t even think of. That’s what makes him so special. But what if that’s as far as it goes? Is it fair of you to expect him to love you?
When two friends do hook up, one of the three things is bound to happen. It’ll either work out, or it won’t or it won’t work out but the friendship will remain.
Sometimes people get lucky and there is a mutual connection between the friends. That’s when things are bound to work out. When you share every fragment of your life with a person, there isn’t much else left to share with anyone else. And when that person reciprocates and loves you back with same intensity that’s when this relationship will definitely work out.
On the other hand, sometimes two people are better off being friends. When they do hook up with an attempt to take this friendship to another level when its absolutely not required then it won’t even take-off. The whole feeling of being with a friend who ‘loves’ you is great in the beginning. But most of the times you’re just taking a chance. Love is surely a gamble but why should the stakes be so high? With friendship comes honesty and with love comes intimacy. Your friend knows exactly how you feel about him or about another person romantically and if you are indeed playing the fool, he’d for sure realize. And if this relationship doesn’t work out then who do you have to blame? No one but yourself for losing a friend who genuinely did care for you. And that’s something that will haunt you forever.
Sometimes, you do get lucky and despite the goof-up the friend remains in your life and if you get luckier the friendship becomes a lot thicker. Picture this, you love a certain flavor of ice-cream, say chocolate. For kicks, you try out vanilla. Its plain, not least bit what you thought it would be and you realize you’re better off with chocolate. That’s what might happen if you hook up with a friend. Sometimes you realize that the person is better off in your life as a friend not as your lover. Here the friendship is so strong that it pulls the two of you together like a magnet and keeps the friendship alive. That’s the best possible scenario because frankly you lost nothing. You gave your emotions a chance and at the end of it you didn’t lose that friend.
There is a thin-line that separates love and friendship and it’s up to you to see that line or not. You can be blind to it and take the next step with your friend. Or you can be aware of the consequences of such a decision and make an informed choice. Incase you do choose to ask out a friend, ask yourself what’s more important, your inexplicable rush of emotions or your friend.
Friendship and Love according to me work on almost the same principles. Trust, comfort, togetherness. Then what makes love so special? I feel that love brings with itself a soulful connection that just takes friendship to another level. In most cases I feel that friends have proved to be the best lovers and companions but sometimes friendship gets mistaken for love and that’s where the whole problem arises.
Your friend knows you in and out. Knows what makes you smile, what makes you cry, is there for you when you do cry and knows how to calm you down. A friend can care for you in ways the whole world can’t even think of. That’s what makes him so special. But what if that’s as far as it goes? Is it fair of you to expect him to love you?
When two friends do hook up, one of the three things is bound to happen. It’ll either work out, or it won’t or it won’t work out but the friendship will remain.
Sometimes people get lucky and there is a mutual connection between the friends. That’s when things are bound to work out. When you share every fragment of your life with a person, there isn’t much else left to share with anyone else. And when that person reciprocates and loves you back with same intensity that’s when this relationship will definitely work out.
On the other hand, sometimes two people are better off being friends. When they do hook up with an attempt to take this friendship to another level when its absolutely not required then it won’t even take-off. The whole feeling of being with a friend who ‘loves’ you is great in the beginning. But most of the times you’re just taking a chance. Love is surely a gamble but why should the stakes be so high? With friendship comes honesty and with love comes intimacy. Your friend knows exactly how you feel about him or about another person romantically and if you are indeed playing the fool, he’d for sure realize. And if this relationship doesn’t work out then who do you have to blame? No one but yourself for losing a friend who genuinely did care for you. And that’s something that will haunt you forever.
Sometimes, you do get lucky and despite the goof-up the friend remains in your life and if you get luckier the friendship becomes a lot thicker. Picture this, you love a certain flavor of ice-cream, say chocolate. For kicks, you try out vanilla. Its plain, not least bit what you thought it would be and you realize you’re better off with chocolate. That’s what might happen if you hook up with a friend. Sometimes you realize that the person is better off in your life as a friend not as your lover. Here the friendship is so strong that it pulls the two of you together like a magnet and keeps the friendship alive. That’s the best possible scenario because frankly you lost nothing. You gave your emotions a chance and at the end of it you didn’t lose that friend.
There is a thin-line that separates love and friendship and it’s up to you to see that line or not. You can be blind to it and take the next step with your friend. Or you can be aware of the consequences of such a decision and make an informed choice. Incase you do choose to ask out a friend, ask yourself what’s more important, your inexplicable rush of emotions or your friend.
Love-Marriage or Love in a Marriage, what’s more important?
Does love always culminate in marriage? Does a marriage indicate the presence of a perfect love? Do spouses always remain faithful lovers? There aren’t any answers to these questions.
It’s strange that every person strives to lead a happily married content life yet some others yearn for companionship. Those who get lucky find both in a marriage. Yet some others find a married life and seem to be contented but look for companionship in someone else. Some people just aren’t destined to be together and some others who just aren’t compatible enough.
If you don’t go looking for love, you won’t find it. But what if love’s knocking at your door when you’re not even expecting it? Do you choose to be a martyr and not respond? Or do you count your blessings and make yourself a little happy? And even if you do, is it worth trampling on your spouses trust, your marriage to fulfill your own dreams? Who knows what a lonely heart goes through? Is it fair to turn your back on love, on a heart that loves you for precisely what you are, with all your faults? Just because society feels it’s wrong?
But still, it is wrong to hurt a heart that loves you though you don’t love it back. If you do get married to someone who loves you though you don’t, you are most at fault because though you haven’t loved that person but you’ve given them a false hope. A hope that you’ll love them back someday and justify their feeling. What if you don’t feel that way in the future? And worse still what if you want to share your dreams and yourself with another person? Then, you’ve hurt your spouse more than anything else. Besides a heart, you’ve broken your own marriage and someone else’s trust.
If you do have a problem with your spouse, then who better to talk to than him. Looking for support in another person also going through a rough married life is an attempt to complete your life by engulfing someone else’s loneliness. And that won’t do wonders for a marriage. By sharing your lonely self with another person, you’re depriving your own spouse of an opportunity to complete you. And that’s not what a marriage stands for.
If you can’t sort out your marital issues with your own spouse then do him a favor and walk out of the marriage without him hating you for the rest of your life.
Despite the pain and anguish you do cause to your spouse, if your love does indeed succeed, you may spend all your life wondering was it all worth it? Was it worth reaching your goal, when your path had to cross a broken heart?
It’s strange that every person strives to lead a happily married content life yet some others yearn for companionship. Those who get lucky find both in a marriage. Yet some others find a married life and seem to be contented but look for companionship in someone else. Some people just aren’t destined to be together and some others who just aren’t compatible enough.
If you don’t go looking for love, you won’t find it. But what if love’s knocking at your door when you’re not even expecting it? Do you choose to be a martyr and not respond? Or do you count your blessings and make yourself a little happy? And even if you do, is it worth trampling on your spouses trust, your marriage to fulfill your own dreams? Who knows what a lonely heart goes through? Is it fair to turn your back on love, on a heart that loves you for precisely what you are, with all your faults? Just because society feels it’s wrong?
But still, it is wrong to hurt a heart that loves you though you don’t love it back. If you do get married to someone who loves you though you don’t, you are most at fault because though you haven’t loved that person but you’ve given them a false hope. A hope that you’ll love them back someday and justify their feeling. What if you don’t feel that way in the future? And worse still what if you want to share your dreams and yourself with another person? Then, you’ve hurt your spouse more than anything else. Besides a heart, you’ve broken your own marriage and someone else’s trust.
If you do have a problem with your spouse, then who better to talk to than him. Looking for support in another person also going through a rough married life is an attempt to complete your life by engulfing someone else’s loneliness. And that won’t do wonders for a marriage. By sharing your lonely self with another person, you’re depriving your own spouse of an opportunity to complete you. And that’s not what a marriage stands for.
If you can’t sort out your marital issues with your own spouse then do him a favor and walk out of the marriage without him hating you for the rest of your life.
Despite the pain and anguish you do cause to your spouse, if your love does indeed succeed, you may spend all your life wondering was it all worth it? Was it worth reaching your goal, when your path had to cross a broken heart?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)